Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Write Your Own Bumper Sticker

A couple of days ago, one of our bosses — who happens to be a staunch Republican and unabashed George Dubya idolizer — tacked the following bumper sticker up on the bulletin board:

“I’d Rather Hunt With Dick Cheney Than Ride With Ted Kennedy.”

That perhaps is in slightly questionable taste and a bit of a cheap shot at our senior senator from Massachusetts, but you have to admit it’s pretty funny. Well, that got both myself and fellow blogger (and coworker) John H. to thinking: what would be a good response to that?

Here’s mine:

“I’d Rather Double Date With Bill Clinton Than Tour The Middle East With George Bush.”

John H. came up with one that could fill up the backside of a trailer truck:

“I'd rather get a blowjob from a fat chick than let 3,000+ people die under my watch in the worst act of terrorism in American history, which I use as an excuse to go to war with Iraq, sending thousands of patriotic young people to their deaths, souring relations with just about every other country on the planet, plunging the nation further into debt, and otherwise completely ignoring the man who actually orchestrated the attacks, only to drop his name every couple of months when people start to question my policies, which include illegally spying on American citizens, and watching as hurricanes rip through the Gulf and waiting for days before doing anything about it.”

Whoa! Mama mia! I think I’ll just let that lay there and smolder for a while.

Anyway, I put it out to both sides of the aisle, Democrats and Republicans alike (and all parties in-between): can you come up with a good response to that bumper sticker? Whose will be the funniest? Whose will be the most thought-provoking? Enter as often as you like.

32 Comments:

Blogger John said...

Topical humor has a shelf life. That's the problem. Like if I said

I'd rather treat William Howard Taft to lunch than grab a beer with William Jennings Bryan.

See? An old woman in a nursing home just laughed so hard, her trachea tube fell out, but everyone else is just scratching their heads.

2:00 PM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That was good! "Lunch" — how do you think this stuff up?

How about one with Herbert Hoover and Al Smith?

2:06 PM  
Blogger LL said...

Arguing over Democrats or Republicans is like two dogs arguing over whether they'd rather be infested with fleas or ticks.

Oh... you want a bumper sticker? That I'll have to think about... :P

2:27 PM  
Anonymous mikepsg said...

Hey T! I am guilty of reading and not commenting your blog. I ask for your humble forgiveness Mr. Qwijybo (Taken from Bart Simpson playing Scrabble with Homer) I think if you used the right typeface, the right kerning and a smart leading, you could fit john's bumber sticker on the back of a of a Mico Machine. And if you dont remember me, I'm Mike from psg. I helped with NGS for a month or so... Hope things are going well and if I knew reading and not commenting made you so enraged, i would have dropped a line sooner :)

8:16 PM  
Blogger boo said...

"beware, driver just does not give a damn anymore"

i r back, missed u *hugs*

12:51 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

"Arguing over Democrats or Republicans is like two dogs arguing over whether they'd rather be infested with fleas or ticks."

Maybe that's your bumper sticker right there.


"And if you don't remember me, I'm Mike from psg."

Of course I remember you, Mike from PSG. And guess what? NGS is back! Back with a vengeance!


"beware, driver just does not give a damn anymore"

Good one, Boo. And it's great to have you back! I hope you had a nice trip.

4:33 AM  
Blogger trinamick said...

I'd rather get fashion tips from J. Edgar Hoover than let Michael Brown build my house.

I gotta say, John, yours had a better ring to it. Maybe if it was plastered on the back of a Hummer...

8:21 AM  
Blogger Kathleen said...

I've seen that "bumper sticker" making the e-mail rounds, mostly from my Republican family members.

Is it just me or are Republicans more apt to send out Democrat bashing stuff to all and sundry, while Democrats basically send Republican bashing stuff to other Democrats?

9:13 AM  
Blogger tiff said...

Kathleen - I'm pretty sure it's not just you.

"I'd rather share a cigar with Clinton than a War with Bush"

Or something.

9:48 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

"I'd rather get fashion tips from J. Edgar Hoover than let Michael Brown build my house."

Very good, Trina, but…

"I'd rather share a cigar with Clinton than a War with Bush"

…with that, Tiff takes the lead!


"Is it just me or are Republicans more apt to send out Democrat bashing stuff to all and sundry, while Democrats basically send Republican bashing stuff to other Democrats?"

Well, I do know my Republican boss likes to share all that stuff with us in a "rubbing it in" kind of way. You might be right.

10:27 AM  
Blogger Wordnerd said...

Me? I'll be back tomorrow. Or when the subject changes!

11:02 AM  
Blogger Mrs.T said...

"When did being Politically Correct cross the line into restricting my freedoms?"

-I saw this one this morning and I liked it: "Dissent gave birth to this country."

"I like my choices, say no to socialism." -I will get crap for that I'm sure...

"Stop the burgeoning dictatorship, vote AMERICAN" - that was for my own Mr.T who wants to start THE AMERICAN political party.

11:43 AM  
Blogger John said...

I still think a chupacabra would be a much better political mascot than a crummy old elephant or donkey. Not just any chupacabra, either. It'd be driving a hot rod, with flames shooting out the sides and a skull or an 8 ball for a gear shift knob.

It'd be even cooler if there was a rival political party with a goat for a mascot.

1:02 PM  
Blogger trinamick said...

The Chupacabra Party gives black tar heroin to babies. Vote Goat! They'll eat your weeds!

2:31 PM  
Blogger LL said...

No way I'm voting goat...

There are those that would pay me to smoke my weeds...

4:34 PM  
Blogger Farrago said...

I'd rather spend an hour in a dark closet with Harvey Fierstein than leave Dubya alone ten minutes with the U.S. Constitution.

8:27 PM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

"Me? I'll be back tomorrow. Or when the subject changes!"

I hope it's only because you want to stay away from politics all together and not because you feel your political persuasion wouldn't be welcome here. Cheap shots or slung mud from either side of the aisle are OK so long as they're funny.


"'Stop the burgeoning dictatorship, vote AMERICAN' - that was for my own Mr.T who wants to start THE AMERICAN political party."

Right on, Mr. T! (I'm a member of the Bullmoose Party myself — although I used to be a Whig.)


As for the Chupacabra Party, I'm a good, loyal, God-fearing, goat-raising American, and I'll fight to the death our right to keep our goats safe. I support the Pan-Faun Party.


"I'd rather spend an hour in a dark closet with Harvey Fierstein than leave Dubya alone ten minutes with the U.S. Constitution."

Is that so wrong?

5:34 AM  
Blogger magnetbabe said...

I'd rather blow Bill Clinton than blow up innocent Iraqis. Oops! Did I say that?

6:53 AM  
Blogger Henry said...

I'd rather graze with the goats than give black tar heroin to babies with the Chupacabra

Not too catchy
?
Hmm
this is hard.
I'll work on it.

7:29 AM  
Anonymous Dreadmouse said...

"Let sleeping elephants lie."

I'm Canadian; I don't really have a right to an opinion...

7:36 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

"I'd rather blow Bill Clinton than blow up innocent Iraqis. Oops! Did I say that?"

You did, and it's a good one!


"I'd rather graze with the goats than give black tar heroin to babies with the Chupacabra"

It's growing on me, Henry. It's very slowly growing on me.


"I'm Canadian; I don't really have a right to an opinion..."

Oh please! An outsider's viewpoint is just what we need!

7:52 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

Yikes, making fun of fat people to tear down a political party? It must be that time of month. I found that terribly tacky.

I'm not really into political debates or bumper sticks. I have an old favorite that isn't political that makes me think of you Schprock:

"I love animals ... especially smothered in a nice brown gravy." =)

9:56 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

"I love animals ... especially smothered in a nice brown gravy."

What? Why you . . . you . . . I oughta . . .

Aw, I can't stay mad at you, Beth!

9:58 AM  
Anonymous mikepsg said...

I'd rather shake like Michael J Fox than shake an entire society....

1:29 PM  
Blogger Scott said...

I'll have to take a pass on this one.

10:12 AM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:12 AM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

Goat: the other white meat.
Vote Chupacabra!

10:13 AM  
Blogger Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

How about?

"The only Bush i'll listen to is a burning one?"

5:01 AM  
Blogger Kathleen said...

Where'd yesterday's long-ass story go? I didn't have time to read it, but was going to come back to do so and now it's gone!

6:42 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

Hey Kathleen — it was a story I wrote a long time ago that I worked incredibly hard on and just didn't turn out all that well. I have no idea why I decided to post it. Sorry about that!

6:49 AM  
Anonymous mikepsg said...

i'd rather eat a mcdonalds big mac than burger king whopper

9:01 AM  
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1:17 AM  

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