Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Eight Things about Me

Okay, I’ve got this blog here, and I’ve been tagged a couple of times, and I ain’t been writing, so it’s time to get to it! Yeah! So here they are, eight things about me you maybe didn’t know:

1. I’m a mammal. Yes, I am warm-blooded, I have a vertebrae, I grow hair, and my mother secretes milk, even though she didn’t give any of it to me because I was bottle-fed as a baby. Glancing down my family tree, it appears I am descended from a long, long line of mammals, and, together with my wife (who is also a mammal), I have spawned a couple more mammals. It is interesting to note that not all of my ancestors are from my subclass, which might explain my surgically-removed vestigial tail and a near overpowering desire to hunt zebras in the craziest darn places.

2. I am the reincarnation Ahkra, a pottery merchant from ancient Mesopotamia. Big pots, little pots, pots for all occasions, I was the ’Potamia Pot Man. It was I, Ahkra, who first coined the phrase, “You break it, you buy it.” In yet another life, I was Grok, son of Oog, the caveman who invented the wheel, and grandson of Njork, one of the most accomplished fire-bringers of his generation. I was a big disappointment to the family due to my habit of picking up my dad’s wheel to carry it around instead of rolling it. “Him take after your side,” Oog often said to my mother.

3. I have watched the classic science fiction movie The Day the Earth Stood Still many, many times, perhaps too many. I think Gort, the giant robot, is the coolest thing ever. I would love to have Gort for a friend. It would be hard flying to places with him, though. Gort would have a tough time getting through airport security, what with his ability to disintegrate any object known to man. And the metal detector would go wild. Then there’s the whole “is he a passenger or cargo?” question. Ah, but Gort, in his quiet, impassive, menacing way, could give my life the structure and assurance it needs.

4. My favorite snack is Cheez-Its scooped in peanut butter. Chunky peanut butter, that is. Mmmmm, Cheez-Its and peanut butter. Salty.

5. Perhaps my favorite all-time TV show is Star Trek Voyager, and I’m not even a big science fiction fan. I’ve even read a couple of Star Trek Voyager books. I would love to have Captain Janeway for a boss, and, for the record, I’ve always felt Lieutenant B’Elanna Torres was much hotter than Seven Of Nine.

6. Even though this might sound like a joke, it’s true: I find nothing more deflating than a flat tire. Always have.

7. I am 51 years old and don’t have a single grey hair. However, over the course of those same 51 years, I have given many grey hairs, so the cosmic balance has been preserved.

8. The two tricks I use to overcome insomnia are to either visualize myself effortlessly riding a bicycle through a beautiful landscape, or mentally recite the Lord’s Prayer in the voice of former Boston Mayor Kevin H. White, so it sounds like this: “Ah fathah, who aht in heaven…” over and over and over again.

That’s it, I’m done. Everybody I know has been tagged, but if anyone got missed, then consider yourself tagged and let’s hear ’em!


Blogger trinamick said...

You & I couldn't watch movies together, because I hate Star Trek with the fire of a thousand suns.

Lovin' #8, though I generally prefer the voice of the priest from The Princess Bride.

11:26 AM  
Blogger trinamick said...

Oh, and chunky peanut butter? You know those are weevil shells, right? My siblings told me so.

11:27 AM  
Blogger Flash said...

I loved #6. Reminded me of a joke. I used to work in a sports store, and one day this guy comes in and buys a exercise machine. I carry it out to his car for him, and he pops open the trunk. And there this huge vacuum in there, and he looks at me with a straight face and goes:

"Well, that suck"

to this day, 12 years later, I still laugh at that.

12:09 PM  
Blogger rennratt said...

When I read the last one, I heard the Lord's Prayer as read by a character from The Simpsons.

I am in my 30s, and have a 'skunk stripe' started on the right side. I mentioned how it looks like I'm turning into Bonnie Raitt - and my husband grinned and said "Nah. STORM. From X MEN."

It pays to be married to a nerd.

5:44 PM  
Blogger SzélsőFa said...

he's speaking and writing. That's just fine.

1:04 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

I am the reincarnation Ahkra, a pottery merchant from ancient Mesopotamia.

This whole paragraph had me laughing and laughing. This whole thing ought to be in a national newspaper and one of these a day one those daily calendar thingies. So funny!

4:38 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

and one of these a day one those daily calendar thingies

Could that be more confusing? I meant, one of those "thoughts a day" calendars. Like word-a-day.

4:39 AM  
Blogger Scott said...

It's about time you came out of the closet about that whole mammal thing. Quite an entertaining take on the theme, by the way.

5:15 AM  
Blogger Kathleen said...

With you and Fermi essentially recommend The Day The Earth Stood Still on the same day, I'm thinking I should put it in my Netflix queue.

I'm so with you on chunky peanut butter, but have never tried it with Cheez-its. I must try.

9:37 AM  
Blogger Kathleen said...

#1 & #2 were my favorite "facts."

9:38 AM  
Blogger tiff said...

I knew it.

Damn mammals are everywhere.

(no gray ANYWHERE? Amazing)

11:49 AM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

Do you think that when you were Grok, son of Oog and you met a pair of astronauts that you could beat them in a fair fight? Just curious.

I liked ST: Voyager, but my favorite incarnation of Star Trek are the books that take place during the original series and any episode of ST: Enterprise that features an Andorian.

Yeah, flat tires. They blow.

2:37 PM  
Blogger Farrago said...

I have solved the problem of graying hair forever...

(see picture)

8:33 AM  

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