Tuesday, July 19, 2005

A Special Message from the President of Galactico Extruded Plastics

The following is a message from the president of Musings of Great Import, Inc.’s parent company, Galactico Extruded Plastics:



Dear Reading Public,

As president of MGI, Inc.’s parent company, I found yesterday’s post on this blogue quite nettlesome indeed. It was brought to my attention when I saw my dear wife, Winifred, in a high state of agitation after having located this blogue on her Computing-Machine. “Winny,” cried I, “is it the vapors again? Come, come now, tell your Toodles what has upset you!” Unable to speak, she directed me with shaking hand to the viewing screen of her Computing-Machine. And there I beheld a sight most unworthy of dear Winifred's delicate sensibilities. I needn’t describe it in detail; surely all of you on the Inter-Net have seen it: a military man made to look like a nancy boy. Shocking to the extreme.

Be assured, dear readers, I was as swift in action as I was in judgment. Within the hour I had this Mr. Schprock in my office, kowtowing and quaking as he witnessed my wrathful visage. “Have I been too indulgent?” asked I, raising my voice to be heard over his knocking knees. “Was that six-pence-per-hour raise I granted you a license to commit such tomfoolery? Well, answer me, sir, if you have a tongue in your head!” And, I may say, he put his tongue to good effect as he used it to splutter his apologies and promises to mend his ways. He is, I think, a good lad, and I, for my part, have given him too much freedom. Doubtless, his mind has been warped by all the poppycock one sees nowadays on the Tele-Vision (also known as “Tee-Vee”). Mrs. Toodlebottom and I stopped watching Tee-Vee after the Milton Bearle Show was canceled, but I am well aware of the insidious, evil effects Tele-Vision has on the public, particularly the simple-minded.

Readers, I served our country as a doughboy during the Great War. I can assure you that there were no effete shenanigans going on back then, and I am quite sure the same stands true for the military of today. There was one fellow in our outfit, a Quentin Delancy by name, who did a thing or two faintly suggestive of the fairy, such as an over-fastidiousness of dress and the like, but our sergeant soon put things aright. One sultry morning, he had our company form up on the parade grounds, and then he ordered Quenty (for so we called him) to step out of rank, stand before us, strip, and perform 100 push-ups. We watched as Quenty did as the sergeant ordered, all of us mesmerized while the beads of sweat, like small, glistening, clear jewels, formed on his firm, smooth buttocks, and his sinewy arms pumped steadily up and down, up and down with the rapidity and undiminishing power of a pile driver at full steam. One of our company, Percy Shivvels, grew quite faint at the sight, but Horace McKinnon and I kept him standing until Quenty was done. That was how we dealt with such matters back then, and damned effective it was!

So be assured, dear readers, that nothing of this kind will deface this blogue again. You have my solemn word on it.

Yours very sincerely,
Thaddeus P. Toodlebottom
President
Galactico Extruded Plastics

25 Comments:

Blogger trinamick said...

Glad this matter was set straight. I was a little concerned.

BTW, did you get that doll from John's personal collection?

8:01 AM  
Blogger Mr. T said...

Good show, old sport! I do hope that the Missus has made a speedy recovery from this vexing episode.

8:02 AM  
Blogger Mr. T said...

Old Man Toodlebottom looks exactly as I would have envisioned him ;)

Great post!!

8:03 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

"BTW, did you get that doll from John's personal collection?"

Yeah. He said I could only look at it, not play with it.

"Old Man Toodlebottom looks exactly as I would have envisioned him."

That was Mr. Toodlebottom in a happy mood. You should have seen him yesterday. Sheesh!

8:10 AM  
Blogger John said...

"BTW, did you get that doll from John's personal collection?"

It's not a doll. It's an action figure, thank yo very much. Limited edition, too. If you pull on his arm, he sings "In the Navy."

8:29 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

You should see what it does with that Kung Fu grip.

8:58 AM  
Blogger Mrs.T said...

OMG.. LOL

9:31 AM  
Blogger Mrs.T said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:31 AM  
Blogger Spirit Of Owl said...

I'm all for effete shenanigans, personally. When I'm starting to feel the sparkle go, there's nothing like an effete shenanigan on the lawn to bring the very spring back into my step.

1:14 PM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

Hey Spirit, I've got no problem with effete shenanigans. I just wouldn't bother explain that to Mr. Toodlebottom if I were you. It seems to hit a nerve with him.

1:27 PM  
Blogger Mona said...

nettlesome, poppycock, and shenanigans....some of my favorite words. Mr. Toodlebottom just warms my heart with his vocabulary.

3:47 PM  
Blogger Chloe said...

I love you, Mr. Schprock. Best post ever!

9:23 PM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

"Mr. Toodlebottom just warms my heart with his vocabulary."

Mona, you've hit upon the secret of his irresistible charm.

Chloe: Awwwwwww…

5:05 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

How brilliant, Mr. Schprock. Loved it!

6:28 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

Thanks, Knitter!

6:35 AM  
Blogger Henry said...

I certainly did not enjoy this post Mr Schprock. I have long been fascinated with the career of Mr. Toodlebottom and his meteoric rise in the Plastics Industry. Here he is affording you the time to blog, and carry on with purple dolls, and this post--deliberately mocking him--is the thanks he gets.
How disrespectful can one employee be, I ask?
Consider this-What is that doll you're so fond of crafted from? Yes, plastic. Nuff said.

7:57 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

I am shocked, Henry, shocked at your unfair criticism! Mr. Toodlebottom is like a father to me (albeit a very stern, disciplinarian sort of father) and I have nothing but the utmost respect for him. Might I point out to you that it was Mr. Toodlebottom himself who wrote this post? Hmm? So who is making fun of whom now? Consider that question well, my friend…

8:06 AM  
Blogger Henry said...

A certain sharp witted fellow associate informed me that this was indeed NOT written by Mr. Toodlebottom, but by YOU.
I think they said, "This has his (yours) stink all over it."
I hope you are sincere when you say you have respect for him, but I reserve judgement. He spoke highly of you in his recent interview in the 'Plastics Are Here to Stay Quarterly' periodical, please return the favor.

9:12 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

Why I . . . (gasp) — you, you . . . who told you . . . ??!!

Mr. Toodlebottom will not be amused by this! Watch it, Henry, or the entire industrial might of Galactico Extruded Plastics will be brought down upon your head! You are warned, sir!

9:22 AM  
Blogger Henry said...

We'll just see about that.

9:39 AM  
Blogger Scott said...

Sounds like Mr. Toodlebottom needs a garzone. Don't pick up the soap!

12:50 PM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

Advice noted.

3:18 PM  
Blogger fugusashi said...

Funny stuff!

11:14 PM  
Blogger ;phil; said...

great work as always!
new blog - took you up on your suggestion
http://chemo-kronicles.blogspot.com/

11:31 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

That's great Phil! I'll check it out right away.

4:41 AM  

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