Thursday, June 15, 2006

Dude Looks Like a Lady

Hey folks, please pardon my absence from Blogdom, but I’ve been a bit busy lately racking up hours on the old time sheet. This big project I’ve been working on since God was in knee pants and the world was still flat is finally, mercifully, coming to an end. I think when it started my braces had just come off, and now here I am shopping around for dentures. When this project is over I swear I won’t know what to do with myself.

Last Saturday I had to work. Toward 5:00, I found myself sprinting to the local FedEx office to drop off a package before it closed — to my horror they had already turned off the lights, but one of them grudgingly accepted my package after I banged on the door with a tragic expression on my face. As I walked back to the office, I spied two tall, hot-looking girls with poofy blonde hair and miniskirts, towering over the retinue they were traveling with, coming my way. As the distance between us closed, I noticed they really seemed pretty big and rather muscular for women. Coming still nearer, I made this astounding discovery: they were guys! Of course! Then I spent an hour or so reexamining my feelings.

The Gay Pride Day parade had been held that afternoon and these two amazons were evidently either onlookers or participants of the event. When I got home, Daughter Number 2 (the one with the flaming pink mohawk) informed me that she and her friends has gone to watch the parade. “So what did you think of it?” I asked. “Well,” she said, “the lesbians seem to really like me. They hit on me all day.” “Oh really? What did you do?” “When I told one of them I was straight, she said, ‘I can be a man for you, honey.’”

Of course I teased DN2 quite a bit after that, but for crying out loud, she’s is only 15!


Blogger Kathleen said...

I don't think you need to re-examine any feelings, Schprockie, remember RuPaul? I wish I looked that good and I'm a woman to start with.

Good for your daughter. I'm sure she held her own.

6:59 AM  
Anonymous dreadmouse said...

A vaguely related anecdote, for your amusement:

One sunny summer morning back when my wife and I were dating (and thus still fun) we went out for brunch at a local pub with another couple. The brunch itself wasn't anything special, but when we left the pub we were surprised to see a parade going by outside.

It didn't take long to figure out that it was a Gay Pride parade. I'm slow, but rarely that slow, and cross-dressing men with beards are a pretty fair tip-off. We had to cross the street so the four of us watched the parade for a few minutes as we waited for a break in the floats.

When the break came we seized it, we two guys led the way with our ladies trailing behind. A few steps into the street I felt somebody reach out and clasp my hand. The grip felt a great deal stronger and hairier than my sweetie's usually did. How odd...

I looked down at my hand in confusion, then up at my friend's wicked grin and realized he had my hand tightly held and we were now a part of the parade.

I might have been able to wrench my arm away, but heck, that wouldn't have been any fun. Instead, I squeezed his hand and gave him my best come-hither smile, murmuring "Why S, I didn't know you cared!" We then skipped tra-la-lolly across the street while our ladies lost it behind us.

I'm such a poser.

7:00 AM  
Blogger Spirit Of Owl said...

I used to get mistaken for a girl all the time. Sure I had long flowing blonde hair, but seriously.

Well, alright, the nail varnish, mascara and lipstick didn't help - but I was a rock star dammit! And besides, I only did it for the ladies it attracted. At least, they told me they were ladies.....

7:45 AM  
Blogger trinamick said...

I can't believe they hit on a 15 yo! Geez.

My cousin dressed up as a woman for Halloween last year. He walked into the party and one of his buddies actually hit on him before he realized who it was! Then he spent the rest of the night drinking away the horror.

8:15 AM  
Blogger Kathleen said...

Like Spirit of Owl I have been mistaken for the opposite sex which is so not flattering. Sure, I have short hair, but come on! I like to think I have feminine facial features!

9:09 AM  
Blogger Scott said...

Living in San Francisco, that happened quite a bit, especially during parades and organized events. I wouldn't worry about your reaction. It's natural. Your body is responding to the feminine cues. You wouldn't find anything feminine under those mini skirts.

9:40 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

OMG, what a laugh! Does your daughter really have a pink mohawk? I cannot imagine the daughter of Mr. Schprock having a pink mohawk. I'm still laughing at the whole post.
When I was a kid, my sister took me to the store and I saw this boy in the produce section. He was soooo cute ... just like Keith Partridge. My sister, of course, was chatting him up. When we left I said, "Wow, he's really hot. Do you like him?" She answered, "OMG, you're gay. That was a GIRL!"
I never looked at feathered hair pretty boys the same way again. =/

10:15 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

Hey guys, I don't have time to do individulaized comments like I usually do, but I'm reading 'em and loving 'em. I will tell Dreadmouse that I one time danced with a male friend of mine at a gay nightclub. I thought it would be a hoot, but I wound up feeling pretty weird about it. Maybe it had something to do with my friend being such an awful dancer…

11:15 AM  
Blogger LL said...

Sounds like KTM needs to work on her people watching skills... :P

DN2 has got to be a lot of fun to be around...

5:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Find a happy place...find a happy place...

7:48 PM  
Blogger magnetbabe said...

Ahhh, nothing like a Gay Pride Parade to make you question your sexual identity. How can trannies be so hot?

11:44 AM  
Blogger boo said...

eeeks. happy papy day {{hugs}}

6:52 PM  

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