Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Achieve the Body You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Above is a picture taken of me during a break in my annual Martha’s Vineyard bike tour last Saturday. But friends, I’m not here to talk about the ride. Instead, what I want you to do is take a close look at my sculpted physique. What do you see? A finely developed chest, mighty arms pulsing with power, an abdomen as firm as the expression of resolve on my face, a tree trunk-sized neck with veins standing out in stark relief — all in all, an incredible specimen, wouldn’t you say? Well hold onto your hats everybody, because what I have say next will shock you senseless: I achieved all of this without steroids or any other kind of bodybuilding supplement! That’s right: no hydroxycut, xandrine, Met rx, EAS myoplex, whey protein — none of those. And here’s the kicker: I don’t even lift weights!

How did I do it? Over the years I have developed a body sculpting program based on certain exercise principles I call “muscle mass magnifiers.” Just how they work is a mystery even to myself, but you can’t argue with results. And what do I call this unorthodox training regimen? Schprock Hard! That’s right. And now I’m offering the Schprock Hard! workout program to the general public.

If you are at least 18 years old and have a credit card, please use the comment link below to enroll in my intensive 12 week course. After Schprock Hard!, you’ll never walk away from the mirror disappointed again. And for you skeptics, I invite you to check out the picture below of my riding buddy, James T. James has agreed to take my course and allow his progress to be charted. As you can see, there’s a lot of work to be done, but I will guarantee that within 12 weeks those puny biceps and pecs will be ten times the size they are now and absolutely Schprock Hard! So don’t delay! Contact me now so you can have the body you’ve always dreamed of!


Blogger Kathleen said...

Did you say how much the 12-week course is? I need to send you my credit card # - I haven't been that skinny in too long! I want to know the secret to your success!

6:36 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

Skinny? Me? Skinny?

You're thinking of someone else. I am a molten massive mass of masculinity.

6:58 AM  
Anonymous dreadmouse said...

Good Lord, How much do I need to send you? Never mind, I'll just empty my bank account and send it all in the desperate hope that it will be enough to get me in. Wow! What an opportunity!

8:01 AM  
Blogger trinamick said...

Boy, it sure looks like I came along at just the right time. Do you take personal checks?

8:35 AM  
Blogger Scott said...

Schprock on dude! As usual you have me rolling in the aisles.

8:48 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

"Good Lord, How much do I need to send you? Never mind, I'll just empty my bank account and send it all in the desperate hope that it will be enough to get me in. Wow! What an opportunity!"

DM, we have a variety of payment methods - surely one will fit your budget.

I know you have a 3- or 4-month-old daughter. Did you know we have a Schprock Hard! program for her too?

"Do you take personal checks?"

Absolutely. Our accountant says to make them out to "cash."

"Schprock on dude!"

I like that. We'll use it in our ad campaign.

9:43 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

Hysterical as always. You look so good though, Mr. Schprock. You look like you're in your 30's. No lying! Plus, skinny dudes rock the casbah!

11:04 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

Thanks, Beth, although I still don't understand why I'm being called "skinny." It puzzles me.

11:53 AM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

I'm in! Gimmie a dozen. No two dozen! What are you selling again?

3:10 PM  
Blogger LL said...

This isn't some biking scam to get me to take synthetic testosterone is it?

I might have to give up my yellow jersey...

5:24 PM  
Blogger briliantdonkey said...

schprock hard....thats hilarious.......more than a bit disturbing as well, but hilarious!

Nice work


10:56 PM  
Blogger Flood said...

I'm impressed by how you thwart stereotypes. Who says all muscle-bound meatheads are stupid?

Brains and brawn. (Can you rip a telephone book in half?)

6:26 PM  
Blogger mcBlogger said...

Holy cow, I can see the pictures. Not that it matters, but your "after" picture looks exactly like one of my co-workers. Freaky! You have a twin. Great post by the way.

9:43 AM  

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