Thursday, August 04, 2005

Everybody’s Extra Credit Assignment

Hello class. My name is Mr. Schprock. It’s a rather hard name to spell, so I wrote it out for you on the board. I’ll be your substitute teacher for the next couple of weeks at least. Your regular teacher, Ms. Brockelmeyer, won’t be with us for a while. She’s suffering from an “acute stress disorder.” That’s what we used to call a “nervous breakdown.” Your principal, Mr. Witherstare, seems to think this class is responsible. I’ll withhold my judgment for now.

As you can see, I’m wearing a tweed sport coat with patches at the elbows. That means what? Anybody? I’m an intellectual. Say it with me: in-tuh-leck-chu-wul. Very good. What else does that mean? Anybody? Well, it could mean that I’m over-qualified to teach this high school English class. Why do I do it then? Because I’m destitute. Des-tuh-toot. Everybody: des-tuh-toot. Very good.

OK then. I don’t know any of your names, but I have the seating chart in front of me, so please forgive me if I refer to it as I call on you. Let’s see . . . Phil. You in the back. Put the spitballs away please. No, by “away,” I mean in your backpack. I can wait. All right, thank you. And young lady in the front here . . . Chloe. You show good organization. I like the lavender trapper-keeper and that’s a ship-shape pencil box you’ve got there. I’m giving you extra class credit right now. OK, OK . . . Henry and Nypinta. Yes, you two. Pass the note forward. The note, the note. Pass it to me. Right here — I’ll take that, thank you. And who are you? Yes, you young lady? Name? Knitter? Hello, Knitter. Can I see that book? The one you’re covering? The Valley of the Dolls? Do your parents know you’re reading this? Give it to me please. You can have it back at the end of the semester, provided it’s all right with them.

All right, all right! Attention please! People! Ms. Brockel— OK, you two, John and Michele, you can both save that sort of thing for after school! Same goes for the lovebirds over there by the window, Mr. T and Mrs. T! This is English class, not some lover’s lane! Are we clear? Are we? Good. So, as I started to — Trinamick! You’ve got a fresh mouth on you young lady! Don’t think I can’t hear you! I’ll put you on detention faster than . . . than — don’t finish my sentences! I don’t care how witty you think you are! Faster than that! (snaps fingers)

Yes, young man. Third row. A question? Say it again? Reading shed-dule? Shed? Oh, yes, you’re Spirit, the exchange student. Listen up my friend from across the pond, here in the good old U. S. of A., we say it sked, got it? Sked-dule. Schedule. You, Scott, I'm moving you next to Spirit so you can explain to him how to pronounce words. But good question. I was coming around to that. I see Ms. Brockelmeyer had The Turn of the Screw, by Henry James, assigned to you. Well guess what? I hate Henry James! You could use one of his sentences to measure the Empire State Building with! So look, I’m going to take the weekend to come up with a new assignment for you, BUT, in the meantime, I have an extra credit assignment. That’s right people, extra credit, meaning you don’t have to do it, but seeing as how I might be around for a while, it wouldn’t hurt to get on my good side. Right? Right.

Good then. Everybody who wants to get ahead in this class, here’s what I want you to do. I want you to go to the local library and withdraw a book. I haven’t finished yet. This book has to be one you never heard of and by an author you’ve never read. No friend recommended it to you, OK? You haven’t even read a book review on it. All you have to do is look at the book jacket, maybe skim it a little bit and read a few passages. If it seems right, check it out. If not, keep looking. But find the right book. OK? Simple? Good.

So on Monday, I want everybody participating to tell me what book you’ve chosen and why you think it might be a good book to read. And then you’ve got to promise to read the whole thing. Easy, right? Right.

Very well, then. Class dismissed.

28 Comments:

Blogger mr. schprock said...

For some reason, I can't get the link for Scott's blog to work. here it is:

http://hardtowant.blogspot.com/

Check it out.

11:03 AM  
Blogger John said...

What the hell is a "library?"

11:38 AM  
Blogger Mrs.T said...

*Raises hand*

'Okay so if I already went to the library for the kids before I knew of the assignment, does that mean I have to go back?'

LOL

Also, can I just pick out an E-book instead??

((All while chewing gum insolently of course))

12:47 PM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

"What the hell is a 'library?'"

In Boston it's a hangout for the homeless.


"Also, can I just pick out an E-book instead??"

Mr. Witherstare warned me about you, young lady. Hmm. Well, if it fits the criteria, then, OK.

Now spit your gum into the wastebasket.

12:56 PM  
Blogger :phil: said...

Fiddlesticks, caught all Dizzy Gillespie'd up and ready to fire away!

Sound like a good idea, but I think the one book that our library has, is checked out. I shall see if it is back.

1:49 PM  
Blogger Henry said...

Is this going to be on the test?

1:54 PM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

"…but I think the one book that our library has, is checked out. I shall see if it is back."

You just do that, young man. Or maybe I'll go to this library and see for myself!


"Is this going to be on the test?"

(sigh) No, Henry, it won't be on any test. This is just for extra credit.

2:02 PM  
Blogger Scott said...

I had my reply all ready for you, and then you go and put my link in the first comment. Now what? Oh, well, first of all, I commend you on the variety of style you apply to this blog. I never know what to expect. So, ok, I'm not allowed to use any recommendation from Knitter's reading list, so John Irving is out. I'm reading the latest Harry Potter, Ender's Game, Writing the Novel From Plot to Print, a Rick Bragg book, but all these were recommendations, but ok, you're on. As Ahnold said, I'll be back.

2:03 PM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

"As Ahnold said, I'll be back."

And I'll be waiting right here with my grade book out.

2:05 PM  
Blogger Mr. T said...

Do comic books.. I mean Graphic Novels count?

3:03 PM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

"Do comic books.. I mean Graphic Novels count?"

Well, is it an obscure superhero you never heard of? It can't be anything you're familiar with, Mr. T. I think there's lots of cop/drama ones out there you've never seen.

3:11 PM  
Blogger Chloe said...

You did a much better job than I did!! And how did you know purple was my favorite color?

I hate Henry James, too :)

4:49 PM  
Blogger LC said...

*walks in late*

i got the assignment from chloe, but im a slow reader, will any points be taken off for this? i mean really, it takes a while, a long while..it'll get finished, i promise. and i can help spirit too, if you want me to.

6:27 PM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

"You did a much better job than I did!!"

Oh no no — don't say that. "chloe's 168th post spectacular!" was brilliant. Everybody should do this.


"i got the assignment from chloe, but im a slow reader, will any points be taken off for this?"

Ah, yes, Lauren. I noticed you came in late. That's why you'll be cleaning the blackboard after class. But in answer to your question, you may certainly take your time. All I ask is that you finish the book.

5:02 AM  
Blogger Paul (rock star wanna be) said...

HEHE,
I wanna use one of those books like my 4 yr old has. You touch the picture with this "magic" pen and the book reads itself to you.

7:00 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

Sorry, Paul, I've got to draw the line somewhere. I'll give your four-year-old extra credit though.

7:23 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

And who are you? Yes, you young lady? Name? Knitter? Hello, Knitter. Can I see that book? The one you’re covering? The Valley of the Dolls? Do your parents know you’re reading this? Give it to me please. You can have it back at the end of the semester, provided it’s all right with them.

Something tells me you're the teacher I would have a crush on forever!

I have never read Valley of The Dolls. LMAO!

OK, I am up for this challenge, but it's a big one!

I am still laughing at how you went with pronounciations ... especially for Spirit. Bahahaha

7:25 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

"I am still laughing at how you went with pronounciations ... especially for Spirit. Bahahaha"

Let's hope he never reads this post!

7:59 AM  
Blogger trinamick said...

Hey, Teach, how about this book? What's wrong with Kama Sutra? C'mon, I haven't read it before. (Though there's been some pretty good reviews). It's educational!

Hmmph. I knew you were going to say that. Fascist.

8:45 AM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

If you knew how many notes Henry and I actually passed during High School, you'd call Greenpeace on me. LOL. Whole forests, gone.

What about books on tape? ;)

8:46 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

"What's wrong with Kama Sutra?"

This assignment doesn't include teaming up with study partners, young lady!


"What about books on tape?"

Books on tape are quite acceptable.

9:04 AM  
Blogger :phil: said...

How about books that were made into movies?
I checked and the book is still out. I'll check again tomorrow.

you're a good host mr.schprock!

9:33 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

"How about books that were made into movies?"

Philip, Philip, Philip. (drums fingers on desk) Please read the assignment on the board. (sigh)

Just do the best you can, young man.

9:43 AM  
Blogger trinamick said...

"This assignment doesn't include teaming up with study partners, young lady!"

Oops. I thought it was a group assignment. :P

2:12 PM  
Blogger NYPinTA said...

LL will be disapointed. ;)
heh heh. (Need the mellon baller?)

11:11 PM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

"Oops. I thought it was a group assignment. :P"

"LL will be disapointed. ;)
heh heh. (Need the mellon baller?)"


"rollingonfloorlaughingmyassoff"

(If there were only some kind of shorthand I could use for that.)

6:13 PM  
Blogger trinamick said...

Such as ROFLMAO? :D

8:53 AM  
Blogger mr. schprock said...

"Such as ROFLMAO? :D"

Rofflamayo? Is that how you say it? What does that have to do with "rollingonfloorlaughingmyassoff"? I don't understand your nonsense words, Trinamick.

9:48 AM  

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